I went for a screening EKG yesterday and was told that it looks like I have had a heart attack; one of those silent, sneaky ones that tend to happen to women; especially postmenopausal diabetic women with polycystic ovarian disease. I have been referred to a cardiologist and expect the lecture on losing weight, taking statins, and exercising. Trying hard not to freak out too much (no pun intended) but my immediate reaction is, “Well ,no wonder I have felt like crap for so long!” and trying to come up with a plan to manage yet another chronic condition. I was very sick all last fall, 3 straight months of one damned thing after another, knocked flat on my back, and I am just now recovering. I think the infarction probably happened sometime then. I am trying not to be too paranoid about thinking that every twinge is angina now.
Ironically, a friend who was practicing her Reiki nailed it many months ago. She said she felt something going on with my heart and I blew her off. In addition to all the physical stuff happening last fall, there was some serious emotional turmoil as well. I have often said that I felt like that particular person ripped out my heart and stomped on it. I had no clue that could be taken literally. In spite of the emotional pain, he acted as a catalyst for my growth and dredged up some long-buried crap that I needed to face and clear out. It wasn’t pleasant, but it was productive.
On the dying side (after all, isn’t that what this blog is supposed to be about?): It has been frigging cold here. Snow flurries and snow on the mountain tops yesterday morning and very windy, which causes the cold to bite through to the bones. Typical Spring weather in western NC. I am itching to get back into the studio, got some special orders for friends I need to get done. And a bit of a whine here; standing on cold concrete in an un heated garage is not my favorite thing to do, even with a kerosene heater.
I have bought a planner called The Freedom Journal, which is specifically for those of us who are trying to be self-employed. I have committed to spending 2 hours a day minimum in the studio no matter what, even if it is just sweeping the floors and cleaning. Dying is a messy art. Wish me luck folks, and send good vibes. I need all the help I can get and being accountable to you will go a long way toward me getting stuff done. My goal for the next 100 days is to get all 60ish of my blank shirts dyed, photographed, and posted on Shopify. Stay tuned.
Much love to you all. Stay warm.